The Alien Report

Shore as Shit

AJ Pants — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 22:27:52 +0000

OK I’ll admit it: I just finished watching all nine episodes of Jersey Shore. Seeing eight self obsessed twenty-somethings share a house and one single brain cell turned out to be quite entertaining after all. 5 million other Americans apparently agree, as that astronomical figure was the estimated audience for the season finale.

I’m from the old school I guess. Back in the day MTV used to play music videos. Now it promotes Parliaments, boob jobs, binge drinking and tanning salons. Lovely.

Unsurprisingly, talks are already underway for a second season ‘down the shore’.

You know what? Forget next summer. I’d much rather see this story continue in about 5-6 years when the parental money tree is all but bare and the cast are all working at Enterprise. They could call it The Real World.

Oh wait.

*Insert sound of wind whistling through ears here*

How to delete a stubborn myspace account

AJ Pants — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 13:29:40 +0000

If you’re anything like me, you would have left a trail of defunct email addresses behind over the years. Some you can’t remember the password for, while others may have been tied to a long gone DSL package. Such was the case with the email address I signed up to myspace with back in 2004; one that quickly got snipped the second I canceled my Verizon service.

So when the time came to delete my myspace account it was actually impossible to do so – since I no longer had access to my Verizon service, I was unable to confirm the cancelation email. My full name was on that stupid site along with all kinds of inane shit I was up to at the time. The last thing I wanted was the 6th graders I teach to be poring over my former life.

So desperate times called for desperate measures. I remembered that a friend of mine once had his myspace account deleted for changing his name to that of a popular celebrity. So with this knowledge I signed back into myspace, renamed myself Jessica Simpson and changed my profile picture to something a little more inappropriate shall we say. To seal the deal, I even embedded a dirty video right into the ‘about me’ section.

Within 24 hours my account was gone.

Oh yeah.

Myspace Town

Here are the coolest couple on all of planet earth. Perhaps even the universe.

AJ Pants — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 09:13:26 +0000

Imagine that you were so comfortable in your femininity that you grew and maintained facial hair.

Imagine being a modern day Worzel Gummidge and carrying around a staff and a bicycle horn as your everyday accessories.

Then imagine rocking up to the 40th anniversary of Woodstock right after vaporizing some of the kindest bud known to man.

Oh yeah.

Windows 7 aka Mac OS 10.1

AJ Pants — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 03:12:10 +0000

I hate Windows. It’s a shit operating system for people who don’t know any better. Yesterday I was at Office Max and had a look at Windows 7 which — surprise surprise — looks more like Mac OS X than ever. There’s even an EXACT copy of the dock. However, just to move the thing to where you want it seems to burden the processor and takes about half a minute.

Mac OS circa 2001

Why does Pendulum have that guy in the band pretending to play bass?

AJ Pants — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 10:39:45 +0000

No bass guitar on any studio tracks. And definitely can’t hear a trace of one live. Curious.

The day I didn’t get mugged

AJ Pants — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 20:01:33 +0000

Back when I lived in New York, I used to take the train down to Coney Island once in while. Usually out of sheer boredom.

So after a fairly pleasant day of sunbathing beside a highly noxious body of water, a large black guy came up to me as I walked back to the train.

Guy: Yo, you got a dollar?
Me: No, sorry.
Guy: How about I take it from you then?

Me: No response

Guy: Walks away

Hello, hello…. hello, hello, hello.

AJ Pants — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 19:14:50 +0000

This Is Not a Blog, Son…
(Sung to the tune of This is Not A Love Song by Public Image Ltd)

This Is Not a Blog, Son…
This Is Not a Blog, Son…
This Is Not a Blog, Son…
This Is Not a Blog, Son…
Actually, maybe it is

(Repeat x 5)